Summertime and the Living’s Not So Easy
Happy Summer, Michael’s Loyal Readers!
I know it’s been a while since I posted anything in Michael’s blog. Truthfully, I have been a busy woman working way too many jobs and taking on way too many projects! They say everyone deals with grief differently and I discovered that my way has been to keep myself so distracted that I don’t have a single second to think, to process, or feel… It was the perfect plan. That is, until Summer crept up on me. The heat should’ve triggered my defenses. Last summer was the worst summer of my entire life.
This year, I decided to teach summer school again at Fullerton College. It was a lot of fun despite driving the 91 fwy at 6am to get there. Nonetheless, I love teaching the physical anthropology lab during the summer. I had some really great students. Every one of them a welcomed distraction. Unfortunately, the summer school semester ended last Wednesday. Thursday was my official first day of Summer. No job to go to. No projects to work on. No distractions. No bueno. Damn you, Summer. She used to be my favorite season. Summer used to mean time for family: Vacations, “Spring Cleaning,” BBQs, shopping trips for the house… My favorite time of the year! You might think that summer would have been the time that Michael got most of his writing done since we didn’t have to work. Nope. He never did get much writing done during the summer because summer was exclusively for Us. Our family.
Summer was our time to regroup and recover from the previous school year. Teaching is tough work, in case you didn’t know. Mind you, it’s fun. But, boy is it draining? Ask any teacher you know. Summer is what we live for when the classroom walls begin to close in on our spirit! Michael and I both left our well-paying “office jobs” to go into teaching several years ago. It was our thoughts that teaching would be gratifying because we would be doing something meaningful and we could justify calling ourselves full-fledged “contributors to society.” In addition, it would give us the time and structure to enjoy our family. You know, what most of society hates us teachers for: “SUMMERS OFF!”
Well, needless to say, Summer isn’t the same anymore. This summer I am preparing to clean house, if you will. My baby girl will be going off to college this fall. (UCLA! Go, Bruins!) I am proud beyond words. I am also scared beyond words. Everyone keeps warning me about this “Empty Nest Syndrome” that I am to succumb to soon. Man oh Man, am I scurred? So, in an effort to create homemade distractions, I have decided to go through every room of our house and organize! Sounded like a good idea at the time. Until I realized that rummaging through seldom-visited drawers means running into hidden and painful memorabilia. Yee-ouch! What hurts? Well… let’s see. Yesterday I found an unopened envelope from “Some Unimportant Company” with a random phone number scrawled on the back written by Michael. I picked it up and looked at how Michael crafted his numbers. If you knew Michael personally, you’d remember that he had very interesting penmanship – a cross between the cliched left-handed chicken scratch infused with the curly, whimsical lettering of The Cure. In any case, I imagined him on the phone talking to some faceless person on the other end and I could even faintly hear him repeating the number to that person. At the end of the conversation, Michael would do that chuckle that he would do and kindly thank the person. He was always so polite and sweet. I toyed with the idea of calling the number. Instead, I decided to let myself cry.
This process is very difficult. It’s so hard to determine what to keep of Michael’s and what to let go of. I’m almost ashamed to say that I still have his toothbrush; his shampoo is still in my (our) shower; his shaver sits on my (our) bathroom counter; I still can’t bring myself to wash the clothes in his hamper. I want to save every little remnant of Michael. I want to save that envelope. I want to save all his clothes. I want to save any piece of hair I think might have been his. But the one thing I really want to save can’t be saved any longer. Be patient, I tell myself. I’m slowly adjusting to this new life.
Today, I woke up determined to continue the process. I figure each attempt will make me stronger. In a junk drawer, I came across a card from Michael and Deja. It was so cute. It didn’t make me sad. It made me smile. In fact, I immediately put it on my bedroom mirror so I could see it every day. I also came across a letter he wrote me. It wasn’t dated but based on the content, I’m guessing it was written around the start of our teaching careers. He expressed coming to terms with our new adult lives and envisioned a grand payoff for all our hard work. His letters were always so sweet and well-written. Sigh.
I suppose I am going to come across more of Michael’s letters and random writings in the remaining weeks of summer… To help me with this process, I have decided to archive some of Michael’s writings here for all of you. So, please enjoy a touch of Calvillo Summer Reading!
Happy Summer, Everyone!
Michelle,
The letters sparse, but the feelings run deeper than ever and everyday I am bursting with sentiment. Fie, the work week and falling asleep on the couch under the duress of exhaustion. At least our efforts are worthy and noble and long lasting (world domination one kid at a time), but the time for poetry and heartsong is sorely missed. The life of a student definitely had its pleasures – writing you daily: my attempts at a journal, emotional purging, honing my craft for you. I suppose the time still exists (video games), but my mind is lazy or tired or both and every time I write anything, whether it be this letter or a rap or a school related lesson, I regret that I am not writing a novel or a story or something that could possibly do us some good down the road (big house, maid who does laundry, trips, time). All in due time I suppose, no, all in due time I know (just a little more time, just a little more effort).
Alas, my heart is my mind and my mind is your creature to do with what you will. The letters fewer, but the desire greater and every glance, every stare, every fumbling hug or bad-breathed kiss or silent drive, is a love letter of unfathomable sincerity. You are my soul turned inside out, made smarter and prettier and kinder than any human being has a right to be. I value this phase of our marriage, the smoke cleared, the confetti scattered, content and learned, still drunk on love, but not lost or dumbfounded by the unyielding power of dangerous emotion. Everyday there is growth and the invisible tendrils that bind solidify. It is scary to think that without you there is only darkness. Yet, I reconcile myself to the fact that we are completely comfortable in the other’s presence and the essence warming notion radiates like a lesser sun between us and recasts the future in perpetual light.
Love forever,
Michael
July 17, 2013 at 5:25 pm
I simply could not go away your website before suggesting that
I really loved the standard information a person provide for your visitors?
Is gonna be back steadily to check out new posts
November 27, 2013 at 6:45 pm
hi, i am interested in reading MR Castillo’s books i remember in high school he mention that he was selling his book but never got the chance to purchase them now . did not know where to write this random message.
March 19, 2014 at 3:06 am
Professional office cleaners services in Edinburgh & Dunfermline
June 1, 2014 at 2:18 pm
It may sound like a mission, but 20 minutes is not a lot
if you think about it. Prepare a paste of gram (Cicer arietinum)
flour in raw milk. Inlcude fish, whole grains, legumes, dairy products, and fresh
fruits and vegetables to prevent wrinkles and maintain healthy skin.
July 23, 2014 at 5:16 pm
This way, you can compare companies side by side without incurring any extra risk.
Individuals can check the availability of various companies on the web.
As you’ll find when moving to Los Angeles, finding a bargain is akin to finding a goldmine.
August 3, 2014 at 9:46 pm
Awesome! Its really remarkable article, I have got much clear
idea on the topic of from this article.
August 8, 2014 at 1:23 am
Most Internet marketers are looking for a “get rich quick” solution for their problems, and they come into this industry
without learning the basics. Learning to do business online is just another skill that can be acquired in the same way
we acquire other skills. After so much spent or so many visits,
offer a free product or percent off.
August 14, 2014 at 12:37 pm
Read on to find the vocabulary you will need and links to sites with house plans.
When the bathroom walls are crack or have been damaged the sink, the bathroom racks are no longer helpful it
is time to think about bathroom remodeling. If the cost
estimates are too low, the project will go over budget – sometimes significantly so.
August 15, 2014 at 4:21 am
Still, Nh, where Bartlet supported mainly
because Governor a week or two words and phrases, among the solely a pair of advises
(the second simply being the nation’s neighbor Vermont) in which a
gubernatorial term should be only 2 years. This prices about
50% less than what you would find the money for an almost similar brand label
dress in a boutique. A few simple precautions forth with a few
Google seekes can advise us a lot about any laser archetypal or accurate aggregation.
August 19, 2014 at 9:38 pm
The Kohler twin-cylinder engines have reduced
noise, less vibration and are easy starters. If that belt, for instance, is too long
or too short people mower won’t be capable of operate correctly.
It is said, anything that can be plugged or runs with a battery can be recycled.
August 22, 2014 at 9:26 pm
Finally, something which works as well as the “FDA”
want people to not do it. Weight loss products
are everywhere, in television and radio commercials, newspaper and magazine advertisements and on hoardings
and pillars. Many people have no idea exactly what homeopathy is actually, so when you’ve never found out about the item, homeopathy is usually an eye-opening
encounter.
August 23, 2014 at 1:11 am
Here are some features of garcinia cambogia supplements, according to Nov.
This weight loss method has become more popular over
the years as people look for different ways to assist them to manage as well as lose their weight.
is a clinically proven (both in elderly and children) standardized phytochemical
composition derived from the plant Bacopa monnieri
Linn, which is well known in Ayurveda as a ‘brain tonic’.
August 26, 2014 at 8:31 pm
Artificial baits include spoons, jigs, ribbon baits, rattler baits & streamer
baits. I have been using products from Newfields Baits for a while and their green lipped mussel extract is simply amazing.
If you’re worried about your stored wine going bad in the heat of your boat,
you need to invite me over.
August 27, 2014 at 3:10 pm
Of course, they can spider their own Google+ site, but it has yet to reach universal adoption.
Many people spend countless dollars on entertainment, sports or hobbies, but
finding resources for an online business seems to elude them.
Using Facebook and Twitter to create a fun online community that your
customers will want to visit will increase brand loyalty and drive traffic
to your Website, allowing you the chance to make
more online sales.
August 29, 2014 at 8:54 pm
People to facilitate their services, flexibility and immediate availability that offer these services because of the use every day.
Compare free instant online moving quotes and pick the best
moving company based on services & price. • Must know how to assess injury risks that comes with
hazardous manual handling.
August 30, 2014 at 6:15 am
Over time even a small crack in the caulk can allow
enough moisture to penetrate to allow mold, mildew
or rot to take hold. The Masterbuilt designers added a drain clip to the
fry basket which permits you to hang the basket on the side of
the fryer as the turkey drains and cools.
Investment in flooring can be really useful as it would enhance
the lifespan of your floor.
August 30, 2014 at 7:30 pm
Take a separate quote from the company asking for coverage if you want insurance coverage to your furniture
during transit. The services provided by a Moving
Company – A moving company helps companies and folks to relocate their items from a single spot to an additional whether
in the identical town or a single town to one more.
There are many ways these estimates can help you make an informed choice so you don’t end up hiring the wrong company and ending up
with problems you don’t need or want at this stressful time
in your life.
September 2, 2014 at 2:34 am
The kitchen is used more than any other room in the house, therefore an inviting and well laid-out kitchen is instrumental in reducing stress
and streamlining your life. Arranging a remodeling dependably begins with great
aims: “We should overhaul the split and peeling flooring, floor in the kitchen,”
you say. Consider a walk-in pantry or an oversized wall cabinet that’s at least
36 inches wide and 24 inches deep.
September 5, 2014 at 7:27 am
He became interested in HCG as a diet aid, and started developing the drug as a dietary regimen for losing weight.
Pour into sterile fifty percent-pint jars, seal, and cool.
“Never feeling hungry is not a sign of being healthy,” stated
Dr.
September 6, 2014 at 5:01 am
They can get proper rhinoplasties are really affordable rates and hence the demand is always high.
This is the reason why studies and techniques have been created to deliver the best
natural-looking results. This will give an assurance that
the treatment which has offered is effective and suitable for you.
September 9, 2014 at 12:10 am
Women’s magazines are filled with time-saving tips
that apply to every area of our lives. Are you ready to ramp
up your Internet marketing efforts. It is important
to remember to frequently add new and different
content to your twitter feed.
September 10, 2014 at 5:17 am
Hi i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anyplace, when i read this piece of writing i thought
i could also make comment due to this sensible paragraph.
September 13, 2014 at 8:18 am
Many people advertise affiliate marketing as something that can be started
for fairly cheap. com, or you’re planning to open one soon, it’s certain that some amount of homework will equip any crafter with improved knowledge of their unique niche, value, and target audience.
Stick with the one that seems to have the greatest response.
September 15, 2014 at 3:34 am
Many shoes for climbing possess removable insoles which
can be built to offer adequate cushioning and arc help but will most likely not healthy your flat-footed needs.
If net experts don’t include numerous revenue
workers subsequently will there be a danger they maybe lacking
in experience, or that you might not have the capacity to have the assistance that
you need.
September 16, 2014 at 10:05 am
Howdy! Quick question that’s totally off topic.
Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone4.
I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve
this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share.
Many thanks!
September 19, 2014 at 7:42 am
In the league of hair care products, its risk free trial
and consumer testimonials are the talk of the town. They use a multi-therapeutic approach,
trying to win the war on hair loss by using every possible angle.
The best secrets to great health is in quality, not quantity.
September 22, 2014 at 6:28 am
It is defined as the lowering of the core body temperature.
The old art of stealth in carp fishing seems to be as dead as
the dodo on most carp waters today and it seems to me
that the average carp angler is so manically driven to get in a swim set up and
cast out they have no idea it is far better
to think like the fish and not an angler first and truly give
carp the respect they deserve that will guarantee to give them the catches
their strive so manically for. So, you will be guided accordingly and will learn better and faster.
September 23, 2014 at 1:37 am
Lawyer or attorney Victorianne Musonza, Lawyer At Laws, Licensed in NY
And NC, Maxwell Law Office, PLLC is accepted to rehearse
rules in Rhode – Tropical isle and Massachusetts,
so the Federal government Section Courts, which is a member of the Pub of the us Superior Court.
They will do all the talking for you with the agent.
Not sure if the IRS has a copy of a 1099 or W-2 wage statement.
September 29, 2014 at 5:43 am
Article Source: more information on how to
regrow your hair check out Total Hair Regrowth Review.
Consult with a veterinarian for the proper dosage based on the individual pig’s weight.
Refrain or limit the amount of heat applied to your hair through the use
of blow dryers, curling irons, straighteners, etc.
October 6, 2014 at 3:49 am
very useful post! I’m responding on upper comment : “Who needs some upgrade? Be ready to get new soft for your PC”?.
October 11, 2014 at 5:28 pm
It’s very easy to find out any topic on net as compared
to textbooks, as I found this piece of writing at this web site.
June 24, 2015 at 7:59 am
music cds sold on tv
Summertime and the Livings Not So Easy | Michael Louis Calvillo Must Be Destroyed
July 4, 2015 at 8:11 am
Howdy superb website! Does running a blog similar to this take a lot of work?
I’ve virtually no understanding of programming but I was hoping to
start my own blog soon. Anyways, should you have any
suggestions or techniques for new blog owners please share.
I know this is off subject however I simply wanted to ask.
Many thanks!
July 16, 2015 at 2:23 am
pony express pictures
Summertime and the Livings Not So Easy | Michael Louis Calvillo Must Be Destroyed
September 18, 2015 at 3:31 pm
Thanks for every other fantastic post. The place else may
just anybody get that kind of information in such a perfect way of writing?
I’ve a presentation subsequent week, and I’m on the look for such info.