Michael Louis Calvillo Must Be Destroyed

Tomorrow, my beagle goes under the knife. She is as oblivious about it as she is about most things, but my wife worries enough for the both of them. I think there’s nothing to fret about, she’ll be fine. These veterinarians know their stuff.

(Tutored! Ha!)

What an interesting choice. To want to be a veterinarian and actually do everything required to become one! Animal doctors have my utmost admiration. Our doctor in particular, Dr. Yamaguchi, is totally awesome. He isn’t that nice to me. In fact, he’s kind of cold. We have very serious interactions solely about whatever pet is in peril. He isn’t the warmest guy – but here’s the kicker – when it comes to animals? The man’s serene face lights up when my dog (who licks her butt often) kisses him. His stolid demeanor melts. He Coos and Caws and loves my dog as if it were his own. That’s totally awesome, right?

This beagle (okay, I’ll stop being so formal – her name is Lola) is sort of a mixed bag in my book, Loyal Reader. First off, she is super cute. That’s a beagle’s secret weapon. They care about food and rooting out lizards and you (if you happen to be holding food or a lizard) but that’s about it. They’re rude, selfish, and slavishly demanding. Lola is all these things and more, but still, like rubes (beagle owners) we indulge her. She bats her eyes and inadvertently jiggles her fat stomach (the other night she couldn’t even roll from her back to her belly! My girl and I were doubled over with laughter watching her squirm). Curses! Damn hounds! We are completely hopeless!

(Go ahead, you try to tell her no…)

So then, the nasty little cyst on her right thigh is probably just that, a nasty little cyst. Easy. Dr. Doglover will remove it and dispose of it properly (hopefully – yet now that I think about it there is a carniceria a few doors down) and that will be that. They’re gonna test it for cancer and there’s the possibility that things could be more serious. But that’s simply not gonna happen. Life is cruel, but it’s not that cruel. Right? (He asks with uncertainty wavering his voice).

So please send those good vibes my little Lolo’s way (no, that is not a typo – her given name is Lola, but I like to drawl and call the fat slapper, Lowlow). I can’t wait to laugh at her when she has to wear that upside down lamp shade thing.

This entry was posted on August 24, 2011 at 9:03 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.