Devil Inside

What’s up with the Illuminati? I don’t know much about it, but I’m a big fan of Conspiracy Theory – I think it’s fun, fun, coo-coo stuff. A few years ago a kid in one of my classes (name withheld to protect the innocent miscreant) asked me about it. The conversation went something like this…

Me
So, Odysseus can get away with all this cheating becaus-

Student
You heard of the Illuminati?

Me
Um… We’re talking about The Odyssey at the moment, (name withheld). Anyway, Odysseus-

Student
(with more feeling)
No, C. The Illumanati. It’s crazzzzzzy.

Me
Okay. I’ll bite. What you got?

Student
They’re scary.
(bugs his eyes)
Real scary. It’s like the devil and stuff.

Me
What is it? What do they do?

Student
No, it’s scary.
(bugs his eyes again)

Me
Yeah…
(looks over shoulder to be sure nothing there’s nothing bug-eyed worthy to worry about)
But what is it? I don’t even know what this thing is. I’ve heard of it.

Student
Yeah, Jay-Z’s in it. He does this…
(makes Illuminati symbol with hands – opposing fore-fingers and thumbs touch to form the outline of a diamond)

Me
I’ve seen that.
(makes the symbol back)

Student
(bugs out eyes and drops his hands)

Me
(bugs eyes out and reinforces the diamond symbol by pressing fingers together harder.)

And so it went. After about fifteen minutes of going in circles I come to understand that The Illuminati are bad, bad people. They are all famous or rich or both, and it is their goal to destroy this country, encamping a large majority of the population and then taking things over. They want to run a devil nation, a modern-day Sodom & Gomorrah. Hmmm. Interesting.


(Trippy…)

After class, I jumped on the Internet to straighten things out. I love me some Wikipedia. As my man Michael Scott said, “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”

  
(It is kind of scary.)

Wikipedia reallly isn’t so bad. I usually find stuff that at least sounds true. So then, the illusive Illuminati. Here is what Wikipedia reports about The Illuminati and their nefarious, modern-day intentions:

  • The establishment of a One World Government with a unified church and monetary system.
  • Further advancement of ideas through mind control.
  • Encouragement of the use of drugs and pornography.
  • Suppression of all scientific advancement unless they considered it acceptable to their aims.
  • Causing the death of 3 billion people by 2050, through wars and starvation
  • Creation of mass unemployment
  • Fracturing of the nuclear family by encouraging teenagers to rebel
  • Use and promotion of rock music to facilitate this rebellion which include rock gangsters such as the Rolling Stones.

(Illuminati, Wikipedia 2011)

That’s pretty insane. I don’t know if I believe that celebrities or rich folks are secretly trying to corrupt us from the inside out. I suppose it’s possible. I’m sure there are little fringe groups of gun-nuts here and there that ascribe to a few of those intentions. But the popular media? Big celebrities and even, maybe, baby ones? Maybe even, Small Press Horror Writers? (He presses his fingers together harder and makes bug eyes then he blogs about it to spread the word…). Hmmm? I wonder if the “That’s for babies” Cheerios kid (or now that I think about it, GM – they manufacture those golden Os) is one of their agents of evil.

Good night brothers and sisters of The Legion of Loyal Readership. We will reconvene tomorrow.

Wait! Before you go take the time to consider…

   
  
  
(Uh-Oh! I think we might be in trouble here…)

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21 Responses to “Devil Inside”

  1. MDCCLXXVI is 1776 in Roman Numerals Not 666 like one of those images says.

    Also Bill Clinton was using the love sign. It is similar to the sign for the Devil. The only reason George Bush was using the Devil sign was probably he just did not know the difference.

    Not everyone is out to get you, even though it is fun to think about sometimes.

    • Ha!

      Nice call on the 1776. Oh yeah, and I agree completely about George W.

      Thanks for playing along!

      (looks over shoulder nervously…;-)

    • I was just going to say that MDCCLXXVI is 1776, which is the year the Illuminati was founded. This, to me, is stranger than IF MDCCLXXVI meant 666. Our country was founded on Free Masonry, and Illuminati beliefs. Take a good look at Washington DC. ITS EVERYWHERE.

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  5. u think a president of the greatest nation in the world would make a simple mistake of pausing for a picture with that sign and not know all possible meanings,? that is just dump and naive.

  6. Lidiya may have a point. Presidents would be very certain of what gestures they make as they are always in the public eye and being criticised.

    It would not be deemed responsible to be flicking off signs here and there with no knoweledge. Also, that is a well known gesture that majority of population can recognize.

  7. People the illuminati are not evil, if they were then there would be no need for the Catholic church to have persecute them in the 1500’s the only thing they did wrong was try to get the church to have the real scientific facts about our world/universe such as when the whole ordeal with the helio/geocentric theories etc READ YOUR HISTORY and for that very same reason Wikipedia is not a reliable source of information because anyone can just change what’s written on there go to Britannica it’s a much more reliable source. BTW Galileo and DaVinci were both illuminati and I don’t remember that they conspired to create a new world order so yeah just throwing that out there people just say illuminati this illuminati that because they need someone to look like the bad guy

    • honestly maybe you should read Britannica, the illuminati were founded in 1776 by the German Adam Weishaupt. They didn’t last long and the German government disbanded them, leaving him to flee the country. They actually did have some poor beliefs, no womans rights, one government to rule the world, no religion at all, and a few others. The facts you are referring too were fabricated by a very clever fiction author Dan Brown. He did do his research, but in the end it was a work of fiction and he was able to weave a very convincing story. Galileo was dead long before the illuminati came to be. The church never persecuted them, though they probably would if they had been in Italy. Trust me I’ve done quite an extensive amount of research after reading Angels and Demons, for my college research essay.

  8. Jay-Z and every body that is apart of the illuminati should be ashamed yallhave the nerve to try too act like yall run stuff the real GOD in REAL HEAVEN JESUS CHRIST not no damn Jay-Z you a’rent a real person you are just a fake worshiper remember this, GOD is the only 1 that at rules this planet so if you are a illuminati prepare 2 die becuz you wont live long DEVIL WORSHIPERS YOU SHOULD BE ASAMEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD OF YOURSELF youre selling your soul for a quick buck but you are forgetting who made you, WOW JESUS CHRIST made you he died on the cross 4 you your sins and you turn around and think that you are him do you know how many lashes he took 4 us he died for you you need to think about that be4 u try 2 sell ur soul to the devil would you wanna burn 4 the rest of your life or have eternal life every thing that you please in HEAVEN man you are a discrace you have little kids following you you are really bad u might as well start digging cuz it wont be loong be 4 u go down 12 feet under MAY OUR GOD BLESS YOU NOT NO FAKE GOD JESUS CHRIST THE REAL GOD WHO RULES ME AND EVERYONE ELSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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