Your Brain Wants To Chill With JACK AND JILL

Posted in General, Movies, Raves on November 24, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

In one sequence, Jill, Adam Sandler’s nails-on-a-chalkboard Tootsie, is left sitting alone at dinner, as Sandler alumnus, Norm MacDonald, her blind date, excuses himself to the restroom. We feel bad for Jill as she waits and waits for her date to return.

An hour or so passes. She stalls the wait staff, but it’s pretty obvious she’s been ditched. She makes a sad face. It’s broadly comedic (and even a little bit heart-breaking).

Before leaving the restaurant, Jill checks the men’s bathroom, calling her date’s name. She checks the stalls. The bathroom is empty. Jill sags her frumpy shoulders and hangs her gigantic head and mopes out of the frame. We feel for the poor lug. Sandler actually has us caring about this insane cartoon of a character. This Jill is abrasive, and annoying, and silly, but she’s nice and doesn’t deserve the abuse.

Never fear. Here’s where Sandler’s genius becomes apparent. Even though he has us feeling for Jill, he knows we care little about caring about characters. That’s for Real Movies. This is an Adam Sandler movie, Loyal Reader. You better believe it that the moment sad-sad Jill leaves, the camera pans up and there’s good old Norm hanging upside down on a flourescent lighting fixture, clinging for dear life, evading Jill like Bugs Bunny out smarting Elmer Fudd.


(For your consideration…)

Like all Adam Sandler films, JACK AND JILL is a sloppy affair. It jumps from scene to scene, sometimes incomprehensible, as settings and situations rub shoulders without resolve or narrative cohesion. Reaction shots punctuate, rather, intrude upon the action. Lapses in time become the norm. If you bother thinking back about particular scenes, you’ll quickly realize how little context matters. Still, though the movie rambles, and clips, and sputters like something rabid and wild and begging to be put down, one thing remains consistent throughout – no matter what – The Joke reigns supreme.

Everything in the movie is there to serve The Joke.

Characters and plot fall at its funny, knobby feet.

Those lapses in time (the movie takes place between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve without much mention of Christmas or Chanukah) shift and unspool in service of The Joke.

From dining rooms to cruise ships, the settings are all set-ups for punchlines.

And that’s why, despite their shaggy ridiculousness, Sandler films work. They’re funny. Disembowel them all you want, at the end of the day, you’re going to laugh. Even cooler, with his latest crop of films, Sandler has figured how to make family films that truly entertain all members of the family.

There was a blip in time where Sandler seemed uncertain of which way to go. Pg-13 fare like YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN ramped up the sleazy, sex jokes – it still worked (just like DEUCE BIGALOW, and GRANDMA’S BOY, and the recent bomb, BUCKY LARSON), the film was still pretty hilarious, but it’s not something you could watch with your teenage daughter. His PG comedies have managed to clean it up, but they keep that low-brow stupidity. The jokes still work. The comedy doesn’t have to be dirty to click, just dumb. Lucky for the man, this formula seems to work well on audiences of all ages.

So roll your eyes and shake your head all you want. Be critical. I’ll take my laughs where I can get them. More please, Mr. Sandler

Astro!

Posted in General, News, Television on November 23, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

I watch the X-FACTOR. Don’t know how many of you are – it hasn’t caught on like American Idol, but it’s still cool. It’s nice how the judges are also mentors who work closely with their artists. The prize is 5million bucks! It also seems likely a few of the artists will have careers no matter what happens. It’s kind of exciting. And a whole lot cheesy.

 


(Go Astro, go Astro, go!)

Astro, a fourteen-year-old rapper, is my favorite contestant, but, since he raps and doesn’t sing, he’s probably going home sooner than later. The little guy has talent and spunk and some real rapping skillz. Though performing covers, Astro tends to write his own verses, which gives the songs life. He spices things up, making them relevant. If he plays his cards right, and LA Reid takes him on, he can move beyond blase reality show arrangements and grow into a proper MC.

Domination #1 – Enticement

Posted in Books, General, News on November 21, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

I’m losing track. There might not be 365 posts in 365 days. I missed a few days and still owed one and…

Forget it. I’ll just keep writing and find a way to deliver.

 

(Makes sense to me)

There’s been lots of stuff to write about, I’ve just been lazy. I went in to Vacation Mode at exactly 2:31PM, on Friday afernoon. For the next week we can stay up late, and wake up late, and what we want when we want. I’ll tell you what (go , Hank Hill!), that’s all our country needs. We all get up later, and we all go to bed later, and we take our time in starting the day, and then unwinding at night, and poof! Just like that, everybody is well rested and happy.

Nice long lunch breaks help. Work a few hours, take a few hours off, then you get in a few more hours before cutting out.

Anyways.

I all ready posted the good news on FB, but I suppose it belongs here for posterity’s sake, huh?

I sold a book to DARKFUSE, a new imprint of Delirium. In addition to running a novella and novel line up,DARKFUSE also serves as a storefront for indie horror. DARKFUSE / Delirium is putting out books by the brightest in the business, giving good homes to good, freaky books. They’re pretty great.

 


(All indie horror, all the time)

Check out their IN PRODUCTION page, where’ll you’ll see a Cover Coming Soon designation holding a spot in the April 2012 production schedule for my novel LAMBS.

I’m excited. The best thing is, the book is coming out in all formats – hard cover, paperback, and digital, so everyone will have a chance to check it out.

Can’t wait for the cover art.

Waiting Room Redux

Posted in General, News on November 18, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

Talk about waiting…

I like my new hospital fine, but man, they need to get their stuff together. We used to go to Kaiser, but when open enrollment rolled around this year, we opted out and took on a PPO. We chose City of Hope because of their focus on cancer.

Again, they’re fine and doing what needs to be done, but this is the second time (in two trips), we’ve had to wait a ridiculous amount of time for a scheduled appointment. My CT scan was set up for 1:00PM and they didn’t get me back to the machine until 2:15PM!!!

What’s the point of making an appointment?!


(Have a seat…forever!)

So far, Kaiser’s got them beat on many fronts (kept appointment times, newer equipment, distance).

So long as I’m getting the proper treatment I’m happy, but waiting over an hour for an appointment is pretty crappy. Thanks god for iPad games.

I guess there a million other things I can gripe about…

Hiccups for one. I can’t shake these suckers. My wife gave me a spoonful of sugar (believe it or not it works, but the hiccups returned a few hours later).


(I’m officially starting a campaign…)

I am way too grumpy to continue. More blogs soon (I still got two more to catch up with my blog-a-day).

Winning!

Posted in Books, General, News on November 18, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

I know, that’s an old reference. Do you think it’s been long enough to bring it back around?

In any case, today I sold a book. Cool, huh? That makes for two novels being published in 2012! Both will be hard cover limiteds & trade paperbacks & digital, so we will be doing the mass marketing thing, getting the books out to everywhere and everyone we can. Should be good. Expect some nice promotion in the near future.

 


(Killer)

So, the books?

Okay. I’ve got BIRDBOX, a book in which the Garcia children inadvertently free an ancient witch whose soul has been embedded into the DNA of every bird on earth. These birds have to join with the poor soul the witch infects so that the sinister woman can manifest and take over the world. Can the kids band together and fight the evil? Not likely, you see, though they are charming and sweet, Children are pretty dumb. They make lots of grave mistakes. Fun and gruesome! (We already have a cover for this one – once Bad Moon edits, then lays it out, we’re set, but their schedule is pretty backed up).

Next up is LAMBS. This one is about some seriously screwed up teenagers. Arthur sees dead people, and phantom wounds, and may or may not be responsible for spectral murders every four years of his sixteen years on the planet. His roommate at the grouphome (after his parents died he fell into the system), Conor is crack baby with an interest in arson. Melanie is an all-American Satanist. Their lives collide in interesting, often bloody ways. It’s a bleak one, but I had some fun with making Satanists over into Norman Rockwell golly-gee-whiz types. It’s strange. And kinda cool.

So then, good news on the career front. Hopefully, you’ll enjoy them as much as I like writing them.

Covers and more news coming soon.

 

Waiting Room

Posted in General, News on November 16, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

I’m off to chemo tomorrow. I also gotta get a CT, which means I have to drink this chalky stuff every few hours. Then they inject me with iodine and everything gets warm.


(Drip, drip, drip…)

I wouldn’t say I hate the hospital, but…

Well, we all have certain things we have to do. I rather enjoy spending the day with my wife. Despite all the crap, she’s there by my side to smile and pick me up. I’m a lucky guy.

My students are watching a movie so the sub can’t screw anything up.

It’s not so bad.

Good night, Loyal Reader. I’ll let you know how things go…

These Nerds Be Syndicated!

Posted in General, Raves, Television on November 15, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

And the meek shall inherit the earth

I am watching a scene in which two main characters have been pantsed by a Meathead. They have no choice but to walk home in their underwear. One wears boxers, the other briefs. When they get home, they fall back into their standard, meaningless, sitcom story. It’s pleasant and innocuous. I laughed aloud more than a few times. I like that it features nerds. I’ve watched it about twenty times. It’s officially my new favorite show.

It’s hard to start a new show. I have a busy DVR. Working something new into the mix is tough. Most sitcoms start bad, bad, bad. They take a while to build steam and for their central characters to gell. These 20 episodes of THE BIG BANG THEORY took a bit to sink in. I watched the first one because it was on before Conan O’Brian. Then I kept catching theme before Conan and viola! I dig it.


(Fuzzy, but true…)

I’m still fuzzy with character names (though I have heard them a thousand times, I’m usually watching while blogging or surfing). I definitely know Sheldon. Jim Parson’s super nerd – he’s ridiculous and over the top, but the character is consistent. You start to believe somebody could act that absurd and walk around without getting his ass kicked.

He does this cool, little sidelong snicker, surprising himself as he laughs, that’s weird and then funny and then viral video funny (see the video at the end of this post).

The writing for the show is outlandish and as sitcom-dumb as most every other sitcom, but a lot of the geek references are right on (never mind how I know, I just know!). Most importantly, each of the supporting cast has grown into their characters as well. They form an endearing pack of dorks.

The normal neighbor, originally there for one of the nerds (all of the nerds) to ogle over, has grown into a fully-fledged character. The Chosen Nerd even spends a season or two (I am watching these things in random blocks and sometimes I am uncertain where I am in the timeline) dating the normal chick. They’re friends now. New love interests have been added to spice things up. Another nice touch is how characters get catty, and petty, and jealous, but then end up best friends with their boyfirend’s new girlfriend and on and on…sitcom drama…


(Nerds in action – from the scene I decribed above)

It’s good stuff.

Sheldon does that laugh thing a number of times in this clip. Grammy winning stuff, Loyal Reader…

Metal 101

Posted in General, Music, Rants on November 14, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

VH1 is running  a multi-part series about Metal called, METAL: EVOLUTION. It’s put together by the same filmmaker who did METAL: A HEADBANGER’S JOURNEY (2005), Sam Dunn. The guy’s an anthropologist and he’s chosen rock/metal culture as his forte.

His first film was a nice, concise look at the different types of metal subcultures and how each segment of the genre influenced and created one another, creating more subgenres.

I learned about Saxon and Black Sabbath in the early days. Dunn’s first documentary touches on all sorts of Metal, concluding with the aggressive new metal of the time (Marilyn Manson and Slipknot type stuff, circa 2005).


(Feel the fire! Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaw – High kicking in skin tight spandex!)

This new show seems like a deeper chronicle, going the series route, devoting an hour to each subject. The first episode, Pre-Metal is waiting in my DVR. New episodes debut each Saturday. I highly recommend you join me. You’ll enjoy yourself, Loyal Reader, I promise. A good documentary is one of my favorite things. They are thumbs-up cool!

Anyway, my pop-culture Metal skills will be honed and I’ll be a lean, mean, trivia machine.

Rock on!

Ozzy was one cool cat…

Don’t Bother Me! I’m Lost In Skyrim!

Posted in General, Raves on November 14, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

If you don’t know what SKYRIM is, you’re much better off.

For those of you in the know, I just killed my first dragon (well, the soldiers this dude, Jarl, sent with me killed my first dragon – one of my arrows helped, but I don’t think it was the fatal shot). I equipped my first shout (aural death-strikes I emit with my mouth!). Things are looking peachy.

One gripe – I tried to enter the college of magic but can’t cast the proper fear spell (need more magicka) to get in. Damn.


(Hit him with some fire then chop that badboy a new one!)

Aside from the central quest, I murdered a bunch of folks and stole a bunch of goods (the guards can’t stop me!).

Also, I just lost about three hours of my life.

See you in the real world, Loyal Reader. Oh, and if you happen to meet my Skyrim avatar, a mean, little Night-Elf named, Kenny Powers (woot, woot!), don’t trust ’em. He’ll knife you in the back, set your dying body aflame, and then take whatever doesn’t burn up in the fire (gold, baby, gold – jems are nice, too).

Looking good…

Worlds Within Worlds

Posted in General, News, Raves on November 13, 2011 by Michael Louis Calvillo

I’m 3 down, Loyal Reader. I know you aren’t trippin’, it probably takes you a while to shuffle through unread posts – there’s tons of content right?

Still, this is not an exit. Oh, no. I’m 3 down? I’ll knock out some new blogs and catch up as I can.

Here we go…

(My home away from home)

A lot has been going on. I started the weekend on Thursday night at midnight standing in line for my long-awaited copy of SKYRIM (a Nerd’s Paradise). My gem of a wife accompanied me. She seemed to enjoy the experience.

Then we got home and I played for two hours. So far so awesome.

Friday we wasted the whole day at City of Hope. BORRRING. Alas, it needs to be done.

Yesterday, Michelle and I went to Hollywood to meet some friends for Sushi and then a few more friends and then a performance of the sublime ASSSCAT, a weekly improv sketch show held at the Upright Citizen Brigade Theater. It’s a steal at 10 bucks. If you need a cocktail, don’t bother the roaming waitress who are not there, just take a pull of whatever you brown bagged in. The staff is cool with it. Just throw out your trash at the end of the show, you dirty animal.


(Don’t Think!)

Next, we kicked it with Logickal, Rex Steel, Wizwaldo, Mrs. Aero, my honey, and the coolest postman around. We had  a blast and in the end, each of my tall, strong friends helped me carry my new guitar and bass amps.

We loaded up quick then hit home, late, for some DVR action and a good night’s sleep.

Right before blogging this blog, Michelle set up my music room. I tested the amps. All is well. Feast your eyes…


(My girl is magic!)

     

(Bringin’ da funk!)

I’ll catch up this week (2 missing threads), until then, rock on!